Life on the Outside

It seems so strange to actually be so busy now that I haven’t been able to find time to post. Let’s be honest though. some of my lack of time stems more from being unorganized and unfocused than strictly a lack of time. This means when I do have time for personal writing, I’m a little burnt out and unfocused and don’t make the best use of my “down time.” Oh well, something else I can fixate on.

Earlier today I went to see the OpenStage Theatre & Company’s production of “Boy Gets Girl.” The play was masterfully written by Rebecca Gilman in 2000 and looks at the relationships between men and women and the dangers fraught within them. The opening scene takes place in a local pub with two people meeting for a blind date. The scene is funny and embarrasing as the two people living in a very large urban city try to get to know each other in the very short time alloted to the blind date.

Boy Gets Girl

The young woman, Teresa, agrees to a real first date with Tony set for the following Saturday. The next day though, Tony not only sends flowers but also calls her. Teresa, as well as the audience, begins to have doubts about the date but she goes through with it anyway. During the course of dinner, Teresa realizes that she and Tony really don’t have anything in common and she tells him she really isn’t interested in seeing him any further. Teresa chooses to let him down easy though, not wanting to hurt his feelings, and tells him it’s really not him, she’s just too busy with work to be in a relationship right now.

Here is where we start to see the darker side of Tony. He questions Teresa, accusing her of being unable to experience intimacy with anyone. He quickly becomes aggressive and hostile, completely in opposition of his earlier shy and quite persona. Scene by scene, Gillman builds upon the intrusion Tony, a relative stranger, has in Teresa’s life. She’s unable to sleep, she doesn’t eat, her work performance begins to suffer, she snaps at colleagues. Threatening letters begin to arrive, Tony makes calls to her home phone (an unlisted number) and her cell phone as well as her office phone. Although there is no physical rape, the psychological rape is apparent.

What is most interesting about the play is the examination of male and female roles and how the contribute to this situation. At the beginning, its easy to believe that Tony is merely behaving in the manner taught by movies and media. As the actors point out, how many teen flicks have there been where the young man spots his ideal girl across a crowded high school, realizes that although on the surface they have absolutely nothing in common, he just knows they are truly meant to be together, if only he could be with her she would see that. So he goes to insane and extraordinary lengths to prove his love for her and in the end they all live happily ever after.

And like a physical rape, the victim of this psychological rape see themselves as somehow responsible. Did I say something to lead him on. Did I somehow send mixed signals. Teresa discovers that her culture has raised her to be nice to men even when she doesn’t want to. Which is exactly why she told Tony it was “me not you.” The police detective Teresa contacts explains that a stalker will often hear only what they want to hear and that Teresa’s explanation that she isn’t interested because she is obsessed with work lets her stalker believe he has a chance if only he get her to give up her work.

The play was very well done overall, although I will admit the material the actors had to work with was a bit dogmatic and doesn’t let the audience infer its own conclusions. Oddly enough, when I got home I watched a movie with mom where young man is convinced he is in love with a woman he really doesn’t know and pursues her for a very long time. Just when it annoyingly appears that they are going to end up together in happily ever after Hollywoodland, the story thankfully veers off. Perhaps there’s a chance we’re learning after all.